Another day

It is just another day.

I was not even sure what day it was until something told me.

I went to work. Talked to a few people but really only about work.

I went to the bar.  Not talking to anyway one here

I am not interesting enough to talk to and I am not main stream enough to join the social interactions around me.

We looked at yet another house.  Just a nice reminder of my pending doom.

How did I get back here?  Oh for the love of god. 
I love her so much.. but why oh why can't I just be allowed to be happy with out violating my own personal rules?

Back to a life once again full of lies all designed to make someone else happy.

An I that desperate to not be alone?  I can't even express my feeling without making the person I care about cry.

Instead I continue to live in a life in which I am fundamentally unhappy.   I don't even have a way out unlike when I was with Becky.  Oh savanna I never forgot you. I looked for you.  The one point of how for me in that three years of hell before the golden times. 

Wow.. April just came to mind.  I so fucked that up.  Though it was never to be.  I see that now.  People like me don't get to end up with women like that.

My future looks bleak to me. 

Not as bleak as it used to be.. but not where it is supposed to be.

Fuck